Haven’t really posted that much lately, but ironically enough I keep going in to a loop hole of unfortunate events, and a lot of realization. I can really admit that im not trying hard enough to be spiritually intwined with myself. I want to feel his presence with me, I know I do sometimes but never really opened the bible for guidance or prayed. The past few months Ive had so much to think about so much to realize, but still no answer, im still young and still learning, why am I so anxious for the future? so many questions run through my mind, and so much things I want to tell everyone. Maybe thats why I want to go in to Communications, nursing could have been better off for me but then again I wanted to do something different, something I felt was my “calling” I want to be a speaker, educate the young, feed them my stories and my knowledge, and work with the media, emotionally shock people and give them chills running down their spine. But besides what my future endeavors are, I wanted to speak the “ugly truth”, im the type of person who appreciates everything, my friends and family, and dont get me wrong the classes I take. I feel something with everyone wether its emotional or just spiritually I some what understand. Yea just call me an understanding person :). I may come off as this sweet person, but get to know me then you’ll surely see how complex I am, you might understand me but then I go in to this loop hole then again it repeats, yea somewhat I feel im on repeat, emotional, happy, emotional, happy, depressed, fun, exciting, etc.. Keeps going on and on and on, and I know that who we are as a people we have all these damn things going on in our life’s and we never really get to see it as a big picture. Theres the people that just goes with it, theres the people who dont care, theres the people who actually care but is afraid to say it, then lastly theres the people who care to much. Basically if you go with the “flow” you’ll never grow, but if you go your own direction and follow what you know and learn from others then you might just get somewhere. Our world is very very complex no words can explain nor gestures, we all have to learn it for our selfs, wether its the hard way or hard way, yea thats right theres no easy way out in life, if it was easy then our fuken world would be perfect. :) and thats the ugly truth (in my eyes)
:)) thanks lol
No more fucking around no more dealing with bullshet like this, im sick and tired of living a lie, im sick and tired of trying, im sick and tired of being a GOOD FRIEND. I stick up for anyone, but being thrown under the bus is simply bullshet, is that what you call a true friend sorry deal with the circumstances, cause im dealing with my punishment.
What is a true friend, would a true friend throw you under the bus, would a true friend deceive you, would a true friend say things you dont want to leak out, WOULD A TRUE FRIEND DIE FOR YOU. I cannot deal with how unappreciated I am, how worthless people see me, I hate how everyone perceives me so differently. I dont fuken understand.
I went through so many hard times last year and now to start off this year its bullshet all over again. I want someone who can be there for me but I cant find anyone, I just feel like no one cares, and Im fine with it, just dont fuken be a fake ass bitch to my face and believe you are worthy of talking too. I hate how selfish and so self centered people are. So careless of their actions I just wish I was back in summer in kauai 08, those were the best times of my life, no one to worry about, just being with good company and living the life, seeing the beautiful sunrise on the beach, and waking up to just a happy place. Thats my fuken idle world a place with no hurt, a place where everyone understands the word “ohana” fuck all of what people say when it comes down to it your fighting for whats right and yourself. and words of advise, TRUST NO BITCH be who the fuck you wanna be because in the end your by yourself.
